I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, prick. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. I'm fed up with kissing an ashtray and seeing you waste your money on cancer sticks every day. It's disgusting. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. I can't believe you forgot my birthday! Who does that? Here's some food for thought: you're a dick! I also really need more space, I don't like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. I don't know how to break it to you, but I found someone else to replace you. You know what they say: out with the old, in with the new!
You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!
Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. It's not you, it's me. Really. You're more like a sibling to me, you know? You may not have realized, but I saw you with her, you greasy-heeled anus-sniffer! It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I may love you, but I'm definitely not in love with you. You're gonna have to learn to accept that. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
Enjoy yourself!
Amanda
